the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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