Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
