I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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