there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He did a backflip because drugs
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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