I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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