stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
