Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
