When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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