the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
