ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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