I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
