So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
