Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
