Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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