Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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