i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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