I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
