I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
