Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
