just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
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Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
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100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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