I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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