Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
