I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
