Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
