Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
