He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
