You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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