Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She told me I should be a condom model.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
