I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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