The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
