True but thats because hes a fetus.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
