He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
