Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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