Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
