somebody snuck up and got me drunk
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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