woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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