break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
