we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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