i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
