So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
