My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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