My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
