I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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