you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
from now on my penis is your penis
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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