Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
why do cheetos always look like penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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