So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
