i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
