oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Someone signed my nipple.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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