We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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