i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Let's get the cat blown out
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
