She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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