okay pat passed out under dana's car
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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