I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
