PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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