Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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