so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
