Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
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What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
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I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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