Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
