just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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