I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
