Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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