I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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