Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
