Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
