Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
