He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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