Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think people are normalizing furries
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
