I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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